I don't need community. I just want the e-book, thanks
Why You Can’t Do It Alone, and Why You Shouldn’t Have To
There’s a trend in growth culture towards the Fortress of One*., and it speaks powerfully to generations who study, work, date and even 'have sex' alone in a room in front of a computer screen.
Believe the gurus and it's all about their resources .and the divine lone venture: you can change your life in your own head. It’s seductive, isn’t it? A quick fix, a magic bullet in the form of digital downloads and influencer advice. All the tools to change your life, right there, ready for consumption.
We get it a lot at Unplugged Ambition: people who don't want to join the chat community, or attend events, to share their successes or challenges, or have a dialogue, but plow onwards in the snow alone, a heroic Arctic solo explorer, preteding not to notice the support vehicle is there with a hot cheese toastie and flask of hot chocolate, too set on being a paragon of individual mastery, too tied to ego to accept: it is our isolation from others with values like ours which got us into our personal mess.
The ebook not enough. It never was, and it never will be.
What you need is community.
Humankind was never crafted for solitary triumph. Humans who lived alone, died. To imagine oneself as the Sole Executor of Destiny, striding alone toward some private enlightenment, is to overlook a chasm in the story we’ve been told about self-transformation. The truth is humbling: genuine transformation is a shared pursuit. Growth, real and lasting, is forged in the fertile ground of a collective—a place where others challenge, support, and hold us to the fire of our intentions.
From the synaptic rewirings of neuroscience to the outcomes of social psychology, and yes, to the lived truths that we know in our bones—lasting change is fueled by intentional communities, strengthened by the right relationships, made real through accountability. Transformation calls for allies in the journey. And so, no: your eBook alone cannot make you anew.
The Power of Intentional Communities: Connection and Collective Growth
One hangover from instututionalised education systems and the great Stockholm Syndrome that is surviving in corporate life is we’re told that our success is individual, our contribution measurable, our worth determined by metrics, assessments. Collaboration is cheating we are told, asking for help is for the underperforming. But Research shows that people who belong to supportive, intentional communities are far more likely to experience deep, sustained personal growth, and this is especially relevant for those looking to make a major shift—such as a career change—anchored around their values.
In studies examining the effects of community on personal transformation, researchers have found that being part of a group with shared goals and values creates an environment where individuals are more motivated to follow through on personal commitments and pursue meaningful change. For example, a study conducted by researchers at the University of Michigan revealed that people engaged in intentional communities experienced significant increases in both goal achievement and well-being compared to those attempting change in isolation. Key factors included shared accountability, mutual support, and regular feedback, which helped individuals maintain focus and make decisions more aligned with their personal values.
One important mechanism behind this growth is the presence of "social scaffolding." This concept, described in the journal Social Psychological and Personality Science, explains that having a consistent network to turn to during moments of doubt or difficulty enables individuals to take on bigger risks, like a career shift, because they know they have support to fall back on. This reassurance allows for bolder decision-making, where individuals feel they’re moving toward something truly fulfilling, rather than defaulting to safe, uninspired choices. For those transitioning to a new career or trying to build a values-driven life, this scaffolding is invaluable: people feel more empowered to seek out paths that reflect their beliefs and aspirations because they’re buoyed by a group that shares those same ideals.
Additionally, the concept of "identity co-creation" comes into play in intentional communities. A study from Stanford University found that when people spend time with others who embody the characteristics they want to cultivate—whether that’s resilience, authenticity, or courage—they’re more likely to develop these traits themselves. For individuals undergoing a career transition, being part of a values-driven community means they’re constantly exposed to role models and peer behaviors that reinforce their goals. This isn’t about imitation but about drawing from a shared energy that helps them to redefine who they are and what they stand for.
This shared growth dynamic is amplified by neurochemical responses, specifically the release of oxytocin, sometimes called the “bonding hormone.” Oxytocin, which is released in social bonding activities, has been shown to increase trust and emotional closeness, making individuals feel more connected and committed to group goals. For someone attempting to refocus their career around values, this neurochemical response reinforces feelings of solidarity, encouraging them to remain accountable to the collective goal and committed to personal growth.
Together, these findings reveal that supportive, intentional communities act as catalysts for profound change. They create a kind of greenhouse effect, nurturing personal growth, perseverance, and self-definition, which is especially critical for anyone undergoing the vulnerability of career change or values-based transformation. Through community, individuals are not only more likely to take that leap into the unknown, but they’re also far more likely to thrive once they’re there.
Intentional communities, where members share values, goals and a commitment to growth, create a powerful, supportive environment that fosters individual change (see the wealth of resources in our relationships category for much more evidence and detail on this). These communities provide a framework of accountability and encouragement. They offer feedback, constructive criticism, and diverse perspectives. They help you see yourself from angles you might miss when working alone. In a way, they mirror and amplify the growth process.
Collective Intelligence and Goal Accomplishment
Research on collective intelligence provides compelling insights for those taking on ambitious ventures, such as launching a business.
In studies led by MIT’s Center for Collective Intelligence, researchers discovered that groups with a shared purpose, diverse skills and a balance of personalities outperformed even the brightest individuals in problem-solving and decision-making tasks. The concept of collective intelligence posits that when people collaborate effectively, they create a shared “brain” that draws from the unique strengths and insights of each member. In practice, this means that a well-functioning group can develop solutions and ideas that would likely remain out of reach for a single person, no matter how skilled or determined they are.
Research from Carnegie Mellon University found that empathy and social sensitivity are core components of collective intelligence: teams that foster open communication and mutual understanding perform better and innovate faster than those that don’t. So, entrepreneurs benefit significantly when they cultivate a network that offers diverse perspectives and skill sets, allowing them to tap into insights that enrich their approach and help mitigate risks.
Another study published in Nature Human Behaviour shows that collective intelligence helps people persevere through complex problems over time. For anyone intereted in alterative entrepreneurialism, this insight is critical. It implies that a supportive, purpose-driven community can act as a cushion against setbacks, offering not just moral support but strategic input when challenges arise. This can lead to increased resilience and adaptability, which are essential in the unpredictable landscape of entrepreneurship.
Without this collective dimension, even the most capable individuals risk isolation, which can limit their perspective, hinder problem-solving, and reduce the quality of their decisions. And while eBooks, short-term (ie 12-week) online courses, and self-study are excellent for foundational knowledge, research makes it clear that true transformation and true success in entrepreneurial pursuits requires ongoing interaction with a community that challenges and supports you. Communities force us to step outside of ourselves, face challenges from multiple perspectives, and adapt in ways that push us beyond our comfort zones.
The more intentional the community, the more effective the growth. When you gather around a common goal, with people who are equally committed to their own transformation and yours, the results are exponential. You are no longer just an individual pushing through your own barriers. You are part of a collective force, moving together toward something bigger than yourself. The idea of "just needing the eBook" is a disservice to this natural, primal need for communal support. Alone, we can only go so far. Together, we can go much farther.
The Right Relationships: Why Who You Spend Time With Matters
"You are the sum of the five people you spend the most time with" is a idea that has embedded itself in our minds.We broadly accept that the people you surround yourself with have a profound effect on your thoughts, behaviors, emotional regulation and even your neural pathways. We’ve all heard about the concept of "mirroring," where we subconsciously imitate the behaviors and emotions of those around us. This is a key component of how our brains learn and grow.
But the relationship dynamic goes deeper. We tend to form attachments based on shared emotional states and values. These attachments become a kind of neurological feedback loop. If you surround yourself with people who are negative, complacent, or uninterested in growth, you will mirror their behavior, which strengthens neural pathways that lead to stagnation. The reverse is equally true: surround yourself with people who are committed to growth, authenticity, and resilience, and you will find that your own brain’s neural pathways become rewired to reflect those qualities.
This is why I say: stop working in a job full of people too scared, unready or too values-skewed to see the futility of much of what goes on, and listening to a podcast on life change in secret, and asking yourself why you're in the exact same spot you were in three months ago. You need ideas and inspiration a lot less than you need nuanced support, signposting and a sense of shared purpose. You need to move past the point of introspection into action.
It is only when you connect with people who challenge you, support you, and push you to be your best self, you create an environment in which your brain can flourish. Studies have shown that relationships with positive, growth-oriented individuals enhance neuroplasticity. In simpler terms: the more you engage with the right people, the more your brain adapts to new ways of thinking, feeling and behaving.
If you’re serious about personal transformation, you cannot afford to neglect the quality of your relationships. You need people who see your potential and are willing to call you on your nonsense. You need people who hold you accountable for the things you say you want. In short, you need the right community to help you get where you want to go.
Accountability: The Missing Ingredient
And this brings us to accountability. Perhaps the real reason we shy away from the communal to the private playground. Your social media followers don’t hold you accountable. The algorithm doesn’t care whether you stick to your goals or not. Accountability is something that happens in relationship, within a community where your commitments are not just written on a to-do list, but discussed, shared, and supported by others who are just as invested in your success as you are in theirs.
We know from social psychology that people are far more likely to stick to their commitments when they know someone is watching. This is why group coaching programs, mastermind groups and accountability partners are so effective. When you know that your progress is being tracked and your actions are being observed, your motivation and performance skyrocket. But more than that, the feedback you receive from others, their constructive criticism, and their recognition of your achievements, reinforce the changes you are trying to make.
The social contract that forms when two or more people agree to hold each other to their promises is, as Aslan would say, "an older kind of magic", creating a bond as solemn and unbreakable as stone tablets . Keeping this promise - to act consistently in pursuit of our values and passions - creates a sense of urgency and commitment, and most importantly, it taps into the brain’s reward system.
We see it in the community: positive reinforcement from others activates dopamine, the chemical responsible for motivation and pleasure. Each small win, shared with a supportive community, reinforces the changes you’re trying to make, and over time, this builds a cascade of momentum that propels you forward.
Or sure, you can tick some boxes in your ebook, put aother podcast on.
Change is hard. If you're over 30 (neuroplasticity declines sharply after around 25) it is bloody hard. Don't underestimate it. Don't head to the jungle alone. Tigers are there.
Here’s the thing about accountability: it’s not about surveillance, or being tracked, and certainly not about being controlled. It's softer, quieter, more humane than that. Accountability, real accountability, is like an anchor line that tethers you, not to some external expectation, but to a deeper kind of truth about who you are and who you want to become.
You’re not performing for someone else; you’re letting others in on the quiet work of your becoming. You’re opening the door a crack, inviting someone trustworthy to hold space for your intentions, so they don’t slip away in the busy scurry of life. This isn’t about pressure or fear. It’s about gently inviting another set of eyes, another heart, to witness your quiet promises to yourself.
Because left to our own devices, let’s be honest, we drift. We get overwhelmed; we lose faith in our own voice. But with the right community, we feel braver somehow, more capable of honoring what we’ve set out to do. They don’t steer the ship; they’re just there on deck, reminding us we’ve charted a course and that we are already on our way. And sometimes, that’s all we need to keep going.
Why We Need Others to Change
The very phrase "self-help" cries out with loneliness and desperation. Would you remove your own gallbladder? Most of you probably don't do your own tax return: but you'll tell yourself you can undo childhood conditioning, decades of performace-orientated behaviours and the opposition of the world to anyone striking out and doig something truly brave, all on your own. The idea that you can change your whole life alone, in silence, in the privacy of your own head, that’s the myth sold over and over: self as the grand pursuit, self as the great fixer, self as the everything of life. But think of life itself, how it never shows up alone. A single voice is only a hum in the air; add a few others, and you’ve got a tune; add the right people and eough of them: you've got a symphony.
Transformation is often a thread stitched by hands other than your own. True change, real growth is not something you judge to have occurred because you somehow 'feel different' or have 'successfully completed' a course. It's evidence by the impact you have in the world, on others, in pursuit of your values.
So, go on, read our eBooks. Take them in, page by page, but don’t think for a moment it’s enough. A book’s just ink and paper until it’s acted out, and who will push you to act? Who’s there to say, Go on, take the leap? Find them: the people who make you think better than you ever thought you could, the people who’ll tell you when you’re not holding yourself to what you said you’d do. You’ll need the company that keeps you honest, keeps you daring, makes you real.
Some members (and something like 99% of non-members) are reading about dancing without ever standing up to sway. Why? Because there's no great life change without making mistakes, and being seen making a mistake makes people who've grown up and built careers on the promise that they won't ever make any mistakes scared.
Knowing how to dance isn't dancing, and where's the purpose in acquiring knowledge if we don't put that back into the world?. Find the people who’ll make the notes come alive, who’ll pull you off the page and into something living, breathing. You need more than just the book, the words. You need a world of others.